The marriage union is one of the oldest institutions established at creation. God designed it to be a blessing for humanity. After creating man and all that he needed, God who is the source of wisdom and knows what is for the good of man, declared, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18). Thus, God instituted marriage as He blessed the couple in their Edenic home.

Marriage should not be seen as a fountain of joy for those who hope to be happy only when they get married, but it rather constitutes a blessing also for all those who follow the guidelines given in the word of God. And while in and of itself, it does not guarantee to be a source of happiness, “it guards . . . the happiness of the race.”—Patriarchs and Prophets, p. 46.

For Christians, marriage not only unites two people, but also helps them in their preparation for heaven. It is a school where lessons of great importance are learned, and where couples can help each other perfect their Christian character—“the husband to obtain the pure affections of a woman’s heart, the wife to soften and improve her husband’s character and give it completeness.”—The Adventist Home, p. 99.

Many things that people engage in life, require sufficient preparation and much care. If one needs to take special care before engaging in the things of life that will perish, should not marriage be preceded by special consideration? I believe so. As was mentioned above, marriage is a blessing from God, but if the necessary care is not taken while contracting marriage, many problems can come as a result.

Many pastors have wisely determined that before they can perform a marriage between two young people, they would make sure to instruct them on what marriage is and what to expect from it. Thus, just like they would study with someone to prepare them for baptism, they would do the same for those who plan to get married. This is a wonderful idea as it prevents so many difficulties in the married life.

Let us now see some of the things that are needed for an ideal marriage:

Dear youth, before you start entering a relationship with someone, be certain to make prayer a priority in your life. First, you need to strive to be the type of person you want your companion to be. Do not ask God for a spiritual person if you are not consecrated—it would not be a fair deal. And as you prepare for marriage, think also of your salvation. If you are a young man, remember that after you are married you will hold the position of a priest in your home. It will be your privilege and duty to present your family before the Lord morning and evening. So it is important that you get into this habit even before you get married.

As you get closer to making the decision to unite with someone, increase your prayer for wisdom from above. This is a sacred and important union that you are entering for life. The pen of Inspiration says that “If men and women are in the habit of praying twice a day before they contemplate marriage, they should pray four times a day when such a step is anticipated.”—Messages to Young People, p. 460.

Now, if it has not been your custom to pray and consecrate yourself to the Lord, do not think about marriage yet. Give yourself to the Lord first and ask Him to guide you. If you proceed without considering this matter, you may not only do harm to yourself but also the person with whom you are going to unite. Where Christ is absent and a spirit of consecration is lacking, difficulties will arise that may be hard to manage.

One of the things that is necessary is maturity. Some enter marriage too early; though this may end up working out okay for some, but it certainly does not for all. Young men and women need a level of maturity before entering marriage. When we mention maturity, we are not referring to age only, as age is not an indication of maturity in some cases. Therefore, one needs to be sure that he or she has sufficient development and capability to lead a home.

Another problem that may occur is that of raising a child. We often see young women with a child in their arms, and sometimes they are confused on how to even give the proper education to their baby. If immaturity is seen in the life of the parents, there is great risk that the child will not be raised in the fear of God.

A married person also needs to be able to exercise judgment, especially in moments of crisis or difficulties in life. If there is no maturity, wrong decisions could be taken which would ruin the life of the couple—and this can be even worse if they have children. Some young men still need the helping hands of their parents before they can stand on their feet and take care of a wife, and many girls still need the precious care of their mothers and fathers before they can attend to a man.

But “many youth act from impulse. This step, which affects them seriously for good or ill, to be a lifelong blessing or curse, is too often taken hastily, under the impulse of sentiment.”—Ibid., p. 453. My dear youth, wait until you are mature enough to take upon yourselves such a great responsibility. It is better to wait than to suffer.

Though you may not expect to be rich or possess everything you desire before you get married, special preparation should be made. Jesus said something that can be applied to many situations. He declared, “For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?” (Luke 14:28). These words uttered by Christ embrace many things in life including marriage. The Bible says, “Prepare thy work without and make it fit for thyself in the field; and afterwards build thine house” (Proverbs 24:27).

In the world, of all the causes that are at the root of divorce or difficulties in marriage, money constitutes a significant one of them. It is reported that couples with no assets at the beginning of a three-year period are 70 percent more likely to divorce by the end of that period. It is also estimated that a lack of preparation for marriage increases the risk of divorce by 41%. We thank Christ for power to change and bring hope to those who have made mistakes, but it is not a good idea to take this risk if you are not yet married. Move wisely.

Another important thing is money management. Young men and women need to learn how to manage their own money before they get married, as a deficiency in this may bring unhappiness in their marriage. A man will not be happy to see his wife spending money unwisely; that is why before you marry a girl, ask yourself, “will the one you marry bring happiness to your home? Is [she] an economist, or will she, if married, not only use all her own earnings, but all of yours to gratify a vanity, a love of appearance?”—The Adventist Home, p. 46. Young men should also manage their money well, as a neglect in this matter can affect the family. The fact is, if you cannot take care of yourself financially, you will not be able to take care of a wife.

This is one of the most difficult things in life if you are a Christian. Not that your wife or your husband will save you—only Christ can save. But if you want to avoid unhappiness in marriage, this is something to take into account. Besides that, a wrong choice might ruin your life and put your eternal life at risk. I remember when I was thinking more seriously about marriage, I decided to read the book The Adventist Home. One of the quotes I came across made me stop and think carefully as I was considering marriage. The quote reads, “it is from the marriage hour that many men and women date their success or failure in this life, and their hopes of the future life. . . . Marriage is something that will influence and affect your life both in this world and in the world to come.”—Ibid., p. 43.

The first thing you need to put on top of your list is to seek God for wisdom. “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5). Some young men and women have a list in their hands and they start scanning every characteristic of prospective mates to see if it fits in this list. I have seen some young people do this and they had to wait for years—and some ended up not getting married at all. Go to the word of God and see the qualifications He has placed in His word for you to go by. If anything there is beyond your understanding, then seek the Lord for guidance. Remember that there are many things that you cannot see—yet God who reads the heart can. Therefore “a sincere Christian will not advance his plans in this direction without the knowledge that God approves his course. He will not want to choose for himself, but will feel that God must choose for him.”—Ibid.

As you now go about courtship, keep moving on with wisdom. Courtship is the time when you begin to know each other. This is also known as a closer friendship that is different from a regular friendship, as it may lead to a serious relationship. Now, this is where it may become a little difficult. If you are gaining the friendship of a girl with this purpose in mind, you need to inform her parents of that relationship (not everyone from church but her parents). If the parents are spiritual and do not agree with the idea or if you have not even spoken with them at all, is a red flag to stop. In the sight of God, to thus steal a girl’s affections is dishonesty. (See Ibid., p. 58.) It’s hard to think of it this way, but this is the reality.

“A young man who enjoys the society and wins the friendship of a young lady unbeknown to her parents does not act a noble Christian part toward her or toward her parents. . . . Marriages contracted under such influences are not according to the word of God.”—Ibid., pp. 57, 58. [Emphasis added.]

But what if the parents disagree with me marrying their daughter or even my having a friendship with her, should not I move on, as we are from the same faith? In reality, you would do well not to insist. It is better to wait and leave everything in the hands of God. If this is the person that the Lord has chosen for you, He will take care of that. Be still and wait for God’s time.

In the instructions given to the Israelites, we can find a lesson for today. Regarding the other nations, God commanded the people of Israel not to unite with the other nations in marriage, as they would be a continual snare to them. (See Deuteronomy 7:3, 4.)

It was a danger for the people of Israel to mingle with the other nations in marriage. Solomon neglected these instructions and ended up abandoning God’s way. The same danger exists today. Since love for Christ is not in the heart of the unbeliever, Satan will fill the place and make the life of this Christian miserable.

This principle also applies for those who may be in Christ—but just because they are not of your faith, it is a big risk to marry such a person. There will not be harmony. And anyone who is engaged in such a relationship cannot claim God’s protection.

Marriage is really a blessing, a sacred relationship that can help in spiritual growth if entered into carefully and following God’s instructions. Therefore, young men and women who want to enjoy the privileges of marriage should make God their counselor and His word should be their guide.

If marriage is contracted the way the Lord has ordained, it will be a pure relationship and the angels will bless the home by their presence. Would you want God to be honored even in your marriage? Would you like your marriage to be an encouraging light for those around you?

May the Lord guide you not only in your spiritual life but also in your choice of a partner. And if you have made a mistake in the past, Christ is there for you, to help you and show you the way that leads to eternal life. Amen.