January-March, 2015
Love is as eternal as God Himself. It is also a precious gift from God. It is the single word that is widely used—and greatly abused—in the world. We have one primary word, “love,” that we utilize with various meanings, whereas the Greeks have at least four words. Let’s see . . .
Eros is the love between a man and a woman, which embraces longing, craving, and desire. Eros is romance or a state of being “in love.”
Storgos is the love of kindred, especially between parents and children. It is also the love that an animal has for its offspring. It is a love of obligation.
Philia is friendship. From the verb form phileo comes the word Philadelphia—“brotherly love” or “brotherly kindness.” Eros makes lovers—phileo makes friends. Eros is a face-to-face relationship, while philia is a shoulder-to-shoulder relationship.
Agape is from the verb agapao, which means “to love, to be full of goodwill and exhibit the same; to have a preference for, wish well to, regard the welfare of.” It is “based on sincere appreciation and high regard.” Agape is a mental attitude motivated by a deliberate choice. It is not defined in terms of the emotional. This kind of love is always equated, not with what one feels, but with what one does. It is something you do. “If you love me, you will obey my commandments.” (John 14:15, NET). Agape is unconquerable benevolence, undefeatable good will. It gives and sacrifices even for those undeserving (Romans 5:6–10). It is “divine love.”
Let us now define love by the everyday standard. Harper’s Bible Dictionary says love is a relationship of self-giving. It has nothing to do with response. It is one-sided and is not affected by circumstances or situations.
Webster defines love in many ways, depending on its precise context. “Love” can be defined as:
1. Strong affection for another, arising out of kinship or personal ties; attraction based on sexual desire; affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests.
2. Warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion.
3. The object of attachment, devotion, or admiration.
4. Unselfish, loyal, and benevolent concern for the good of another. The definition doesn’t say that emotion drives it, because it is not desirous of receiving love or benefiting from it. Love is defined here as something that you do for the good of someone else without hope of a reward.
The Bible points to the greatest love of all—God’s love—which is the key to total life transformation (Galatians 5:22–25). Love is the very first fruit of God’s Holy Spirit. It is a gift. “The love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us” (Romans 5:5). The entire chapter of 1 Corinthians 13 is referred to as “The Love Chapter.” Verses 1–3 state that the gifts of prophecy, faith, language, knowledge, and sacrifice all are worthless without the gift of love. Love is not a rule but a motive. Love does not tell a Christian what to do, but how to do it.
The love that God imparts to us is not based upon our desire to receive something but upon an unwavering commitment. This is true love. In society today we hear people say, “Yes, I got married, but I am not in love anymore.” That is not love, for love does not change. It is impossible to love someone before the wedding and not after the marriage has been consummated.
Love is life’s greatest and essential gift. Love puts pride and claims aside and does not expect anything but love in return. Love understands that sharing is one of the greatest things in which one can rejoice. Love is unconditional, altruistic, and unselfish. It is not stubborn or overbearing, and it does not insist on its own way. Love is honesty; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love is friendship, companionship, affection, undying devotion, and more. Love is caring, kind, and patient. Love is not resentful but forgiving, understanding, and believing. Love is giving, inspiring, and supporting. Love is the free and complete expression of oneself to another. Love is open to the other person’s expression. Love endures all, hopes all, and bears all. True love never ends.
Love has growing interest in and appreciation for the other person. Love assumes an increasing responsibility for others. Love respects their feelings, ideas, and individual personalities. Love is responsive to their purposes, characteristics, and emotions. Love is sympathetic and understanding. Love is of divine origin and can reach its highest achievement only in the life of true Christians. Love is something that does not happen instantly. Love involves experiences into which one must grow.
"Pure and holy affection is not a feeling, but a principle."
There is no such thing as love at first sight. Often there is an attraction between him and her that may grow into love as the two become better acquainted with each other, which may take time. They may not recognize the transition from attraction to love, but the original attraction is not and cannot be love. Love is too big, too deep, and too all-embracing to spring up in an instant. If you truly love someone for marriage purposes, you must know that person well.
While there is much emotion in connection with love, love is not emotion. “Love is a precious gift, which we receive from Jesus. Pure and holy affection is not a feeling, but a principle” (Messages to Young People, p. 435).
“True love is a high and holy principle, altogether different in character from that love which is awakened by impulse, and which suddenly dies when severely tested.”—The Adventist Home, p. 50.
Love is not something that you can whisper to another person whom you have only known for a short period of time. A man who doesn’t know a woman very well yet says, “I love you,” has a very self-centered motivation: he wants to use her for his own pleasure. He is lying. This is not true love; it’s a deception.
Today, society has changed the definition of words with reference to feelings and has also changed into a curse the blessings that God has given us. The world is filled with weak people who do not want to toil and sweat but only seek easy and pleasant things. Not too many are prepared to face difficulties, pressure, and opposition. Genuine love requires all of these things. Love is willing to pay the price. Abraham loved his son; but he loved God more, to such a point that he was willing to obey God. And, as a result of his obedience, he was chosen to be the ancestor of Him through whom the whole world was to receive great blessings (Genesis 12:3; 22:18; Galatians 3:8, 16).
As mentioned above, Christ said: “If ye love me, keep my commandments” (John 14:15). This is an action that has nothing to do with feelings or emotions. A young man came to me for counseling and said, “I am in love with a particular person.” I asked him, “How do you know that you are in love?” He said, “Because when I’m in her presence, my heart beats like an engine, my blood pressure rises, my pulse races, and I can’t think.” I told him, “You are not in love. You are sick. You need to go to the hospital.” That was not love. That was only a short-lived emotion. If you put yourself into the place of that young man, you will notice that, after a while, your feelings subside, and you say you’re not in love any more. This form of “love” is only an emotional reaction; it is a physical problem. We should not do anything based on emotions alone, because, when emotions change, so does our commitment.