When we think of long-suffering and gentleness, two aspects of the fruit of the Spirit, our deep inner feelings are touched.

Of the 144,000, John writes: “Here is the patience of the saints: here are they that keep the commandments of God, and the faith of Jesus” (Revelation 14:12).

The apostle Paul admonishes us to exercise patience. “Ye have need of patience,” he writes, “that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise” (Hebrews 10:36). To do the will of God with patience or long-suffering means, not to oppose, but to welcome the leading hand of the Lord, so that we may receive His promises. James reminds us: “Take, my brethren, the prophets, who have spoken in the name of the Lord, for an example of suffering affliction and of patience. Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy” (James 5:10, 11).

Human suffering and patience seem to go together. When Job received counsels from his friends - counsels based on their personal opinion - he controlled his feelings and exercised patience. The attitude of Job should be an example to us. The fact that we often have to suffer is a sign that our archenemy is seeking to destroy us. But, on the other hand, trials are also permitted by the Lord in the interest of our preparation for Heaven.

Job’s submission to God, as he accepted from the hand of the Almighty his suffering plus the loss of his children and properties, was recorded in the Bible to be an example to us. But we have our greatest example in Christ. We can see, in His own words, how painful it was for Him to submit to the plan of redemption and hold onto it to the very last. He prayed: “O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done” (Matthew 26:42). Surrendering to the Father, Jesus uttered this supplication three times, praying for power and patience to bear whatever should come upon Him. Likewise, the apostle Peter bids each of us: “Giving all diligence, add . . . to patience godliness” (2 Peter 1:5, 6).

As we admire God for His patience and long-suffering, He also wants to develop these characteristics in us. How can we learn them? Usually, when a person lives all alone, he or she does everything according to his or her own will. And such a one is very patient and long-suffering, unless he or she becomes dissatisfied with himself or herself. Not until one comes in contact with others, whose wishes he or she must respect as his or her own, will one show how impatient, irritable, and hot-tempered he or she actually may be. But such times provide an opportunity for us to see what we are really like.

The apostle Paul states: “Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?” (2 Corinthians 13:5). If we ask a person, “Are you patient?” he or she may not give a very accurate answer. But if we ask his or her neighbor, the answer will likely be closer to the truth. Since self-knowledge (knowledge of one’s own character) is deceptive, God made man a social being.

Our first social circle is the family - father, mother, brothers and sisters. This is the place where Christian virtues are to be impressed upon children and where parents need a lot of patience. It is here that the parents go through an experience that is to result in blessings to themselves. Here they have a chance to practice self-control whenever their irascibility threatens to lift up its head. In the family life they have the best opportunity to realize God’s patience with us.

The family circle is the first environment where we are to show patience. And this is probably the most difficult place. Many individuals exercise patience in society, because they know that there they would have to suffer, immediately, the consequences of their impatience. Let us therefore cultivate self-possession in our family, practicing patience in dealing with our loved ones. Even when we are provoked to the utmost, we can still, by the grace of God, resist the enemy and keep our temper. This is a great victory.

“We must have the Spirit of God, or we can never have harmony in the home. . . . If one errs, the other will exercise Christlike forbearance and not draw coldly away.

“Neither the husband nor the wife should attempt to exercise over the other an arbitrary control. Do not try to compel each other to yield to your wishes. You cannot do this and retain each other’s love. Be kind, patient, and forbearing, considerate, and courteous. By the grace of God you can succeed in making each other happy, as in your marriage vow you promised to do.”1

“He who manifests the spirit of tenderness, forbearance, and love will find that the same spirit will be reflected upon him.”2

“Let parents seek, in their own character and in their home life, to exemplify the love and beneficence of the heavenly Father. Let the home be full of sunshine. This will be worth far more to your children than lands or money. Let the home love be kept alive in their hearts, that they may look back upon the home of their childhood as a place of peace and happiness next to heaven. The members of the family do not all have the same stamp of character, and there will be frequent occasion for the exercise of patience and forbearance.”3

“Fathers and mothers may study their own character in their children. They may often read humiliating lessons as they see their own imperfections reproduced in their sons and daughters. While seeking to repress and correct in their children hereditary tendencies to evil, parents should call to their aid double patience, perseverance, and love.”4

“Parents are too fond of ease and pleasure to do the work appointed them of God in their home life. We should not see the terrible state of evil that exists among the youth of today if they had been properly trained at home. If parents would take up their God-given work and would teach self-restraint, self denial, and self-control to their children, both by precept and example, they would find that while they were seeking to do their duty, so as to meet the approval of God, they would be learning precious lessons in the school of Christ. They would be learning patience, forbearance, love, and meekness; and these are the very lessons that they must teach to their children.”5

Parents truly do play an important part in the education of their children. If, by the grace of God, they possess a kind spirit, they are able to exert a powerful influence on their offspring. The right example set before them, which makes them happy, is an easy lesson for the children to learn.

Sullen, grumpy parents will never be able to build a healthy home atmosphere. This is the work of a kind father and mother. In the presence of this fruit of the Spirit (namely, kindness, gentleness, friendliness), there will be no hatred or envy, no contention or offense. The spirit of kindness will unite all the members of the family. King David prayed:

“Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy gentleness hath made me great” (2 Samuel 22:36).

“You are to represent Christ in His meekness and gentleness and love.

“True gentleness is a gem of great value in the sight of God.

“We want a spirit of gentleness. We cannot live right in the family circle without it. In order to have the proper control of our children, we must manifest a spirit of gentleness and of meekness and of long-suffering. We do not want to have a faultfinding, fretful, scolding spirit. If we teach them to have a spirit of gentleness, we must have a spirit of gentleness ourselves; . . . if we would have them manifest a spirit of love toward us, we must manifest a gentle, loving spirit toward them. But at the same time there need be no weakness or unwise indulgence on the part of parents. The mother must have firmness and decision. She must be as firm as a rock, and not swerve from the right. Her laws and rules should be carried out at all times and under all hazards, but she can do this with all gentleness and meekness. . . .

“The very expression of the countenance has an influence for good or evil. . . . [If one] is filled with the love of Christ, he will manifest courtesy, kindness, tender regard for the feelings of others, and will communicate to his associates, by his acts of love, a tender, grateful, happy feeling. It will be made manifest that he is living for Jesus. . . . He will be able to say to the Lord, ‘Thy gentleness hath made me great.’”6

Kindness goes hand in hand with sympathy, which is feeling for others, affectionate understanding, and the sharing of another’s emotions, troubles, and so forth. This state of mind will affect all family members if parents are imbued with kindness in their approach to each other. Kindness is also associated with respect. Where this attitude prevails, children will show great respect to their loved ones, namely father and mother, complying with the requirements of the fifth commandment of the Decalogue.

Where the English versions of the Bible say “kindness” or “gentleness” (Galatians 5:22), Luther’s translation reads “friendliness.”

Friendliness is a friendly feeling and behavior, an attitude of a friend, or readiness to be a friend. Our attitude toward a friend is different from the way we act in relation to strangers. With a friend we have a much closer connection than with others.

“A friend loveth his friend at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17).

“A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).

There is deep meaning in the fact that Christ calls us His friends: He has revealed to us the things that He heard from the Father (John 15:15) and has disclosed to us the principle that motivated the plan of redemption - that God so loved us when we were yet His enemies that He sent His only begotten Son to die for us (Romans 5:10; John 3:16).

Kindness in the true sense of the word is deep-seated in the Supreme Being. This property (special quality), which is an expression of true love (“God is love” - 1 John 4:8), is not innate in human beings. By grace, we receive it from God, the Source; and it keeps growing as we cultivate it in the “soil” of love in our heart by yielding to the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

“Let as many servants as are under the yoke count their own masters worthy of all honour, that the name of God and his doctrine be not blasphemed” (Timothy 6:1).

“Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme; or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well” (1 Peter 2:13, 14).

“Let the elders that rule well be counted worthy of double honour, especially they who labour in the word and doctrine” (1 Timothy 5:17).

“The history of John affords a striking illustration of the way in which God can use aged workers. When John was exiled to the Isle of Patmos, there were many who thought him to be past service, an old and broken reed, ready to fall at any time. But the Lord saw fit to use him still. . . .

“The most tender regard should be cherished for those whose life interest has been bound up with the work of God. These aged workers have stood faithful amid storm and trial. They may have infirmities, but they still possess talents that qualify them to stand in their place in God’s cause.”7

“The Lord desires the younger laborers to gain wisdom, strength, and maturity by association with the aged laborers who have been spared to the cause. Let the younger men realize that, in having such laborers among them, they are highly favored. Let them show great respect for the men of gray hairs, who have had long experience in the development of the work. Let them give them an honored place in their councils. God desires those who have come into the truth in later years to take heed to these words.”8

“Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world” (James 1:27).

A friendly Christian can help many mournful and depressed people. While the Good Shepherd is searching for the missing sheep, we should help the erring sheep find the Shepherd. If you, dear brother or sister, show a stray soul the way to the Saviour, great will be your joy when you shall meet him or her in the courts of heaven. There will be indescribable joy among the redeemed.

“Come close to the great Heart of pitying love, and let the current of that divine compassion flow into your heart and from you to the hearts of others. Let the tenderness and mercy that Jesus has revealed in His own precious life be an example to us of the manner in which we should treat our fellow beings, especially those who are our brethren in Christ. Many have fainted and become discouraged in the great struggle of life, whom one word of kindly cheer and courage would have strengthened to overcome. Never, never become heartless, cold, unsympathetic, and censorious. Never lose an opportunity to say a word to encourage and inspire hope. We cannot tell how far-reaching may be our tender words of kindness, our Christlike efforts to lighten some burden. The erring can be restored in no other way than in the spirit of meekness, gentleness, and tender love.”9

“Mildness, gentleness, forbearance, long-suffering, being not easily provoked, bearing all things, hoping all things, enduring all things - these are the fruit growing upon the precious tree of love, which is of heavenly growth. This tree, if nourished, will prove to be an evergreen. Its branches will not decay, its leaves will not wither. It is immortal, eternal, watered continually by the dews of heaven.”10

The Lord is willing to help us so that the fruit of the Spirit may grow and fully mature in our life for the heavenly garner. The harvest is not far off.

“O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him” (Psalm 34:8).