I do!” Do you remember saying those words? Have you watched with tearful emotion as others have said those words in the marriage ceremony? They remind me of the response of the Israelite nation when the words of the covenant were spoken on Mt. Sinai, “All that the Lord hath spoken we will we do” (Exodus 19:8)! But they failed miserably. So do many marriages. But why?

It is inherent in human nature to think we have power within us to keep our promises and do the “right” things. But human history and our own experience in personal relationships of many kinds show us otherwise.

As mentioned throughout the theme of this issue of the Reformation Herald, the Ten Commandments spoken from Mt. Sinai—instead of being a list of do’s and don’ts given by an arbitrary leader—are, in fact, a list of magnificent promises given by our Redeemer and Lord, Jesus Christ, in connection with the loving and all-powerful Jehovah.

These are the promises of what will happen when in our own experience we give our heart to Christ, to be filled with His Spirit and be led by the same.

In our marriage relationship especially, this experience will be made manifest. Why in the marriage? It is the God-given example used by Christ and His disciples to show the close union that our Father wishes to have with His children. It is a symbol of our spiritual marriage with Christ. That is why the enemy of souls fights so much against the Sabbath and the marriage institution.

When we are truly united with Jesus, self is hid—in fact, it is dead—to wanting its own way and demanding its own rights. Instead, we will be waiting and wanting to know how we can best serve our loving Lord. Submission is not a feeble, oppressed, sinking down under obligation to do what is “required,” but, rather, it is a loving, willing, wanting to serve, obey, reverence, and respect the desires of Christ.

Please notice the scriptures that are given on this subject, speaking of the husband-and-wife union:

“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband” (Ephesians 5:21–33).

What a sermon! If we would really, really look at these words, praying for understanding and grace to live them, what happy marriages, happy homes, happy people we would find. Of course that would be heavenly, wouldn’t it? But isn’t that what we are to have—a little heaven on earth?

So then, why are there problems in relationships? It is because self is raising its ugly head, wanting its own way in one or both parts of the relationship. What is the cure? We must recognize the fact that maybe we are in some degree separated from Christ. It’s time to quit casting blame on others and instead be praying and acting as Christ would have us do. When we are committed to a lifelong relationship with Christ, we are enabled by His grace to commit to a lifelong relationship with our spouse. When we really love our spouse, we will not commit adultery! Simple.

There are some very significant principles in the previous verses that should be highlighted here. They are synonymous with our relationship with Christ, so let’s consider them:

First, there must be a head. Christ was submitted to His Father, and we must be submitted to Christ. The husband must be under Christ’s control and the wife under the headship of her husband. As a wife, I call this my safety measure. I can trust that when decisions need to be made, if my husband is seeking God’s will and praying for direction and I am doing the same, the Lord will guide us through His Spirit, and there will be agreement with my husband. What if there’s not? We will address that in a moment.

Again, we see the principles in action. Christ was submissive to His Father’s will in all things, not seeking His own way, doing all for the salvation of humanity and the honor of His Father. Do you remember how low and far He went? We read in Philippians 2:5–8, “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: but made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: and being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.”

The biblical principle for us is the same. We need to submit to Christ in all things, not seeking our own will, but the will of Him who has suffered and died for us.

When the husband is then submitted to the Lord, the wife—if she is also submitted to Christ—will submit to her husband. It must be understood that this is not the oppressed, doormat mentality, but it is rather a heartfelt willingness to let him lead. In our age, this deference—this yielding—is a hard thing to digest. Historically, women have gone through many years of oppression, and now a so-called freedom has taken many women into wanting to be leaders, not followers.

We should realize that submission to the will of God and His order of relationships is the safest and happiest place to be. His ways are always the best. Just to help keep things in balance, please read the following verses with a view to determine how these principles can be put into practice in marriage and in all other relationships. Then we will be blessed by the Spirit of God: “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others” (Philippians 2:3, 4).

We can see throughout Scripture that Christ respected, reverenced, and loved His Father and demonstrated this in all of His actions, His submission, and His words.

The apostle Paul brings out the same principle, especially in the husband/wife relationship in the verses that we have already read.

Husbands are told to love their wives. Isn’t that what they would normally do? Actually—especially as the years go by—it may not be the most natural tendency in their disposition, and so Inspiration provides this reminder.

Wives are told to respect or reverence their husbands. Why aren’t they told to love? Maybe by nature, women are more loving, but maybe, just maybe, we need Inspiration to tell us that we are to show consistent respect to our husbands. We must have a heart submitted to Christ, so that we are enabled to encourage, thank, and honor our husbands.

These factors are so unlike much of what we see in the world. We see individuals who are not submitted to Christ, but instead they want their own way and to be served. We see women wanting to tell their husbands what to do, and many times we see husbands weakly following or angrily reacting. We see men trying to order their wives around, and wives trying to stand for their rights. No wonder that the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence.

But God has a solution.

What if there are problems? And there are plenty in our time. Inspiration gives us some advice that is very practical in nature, yet may not necessarily bring instant results. The beautiful outcome may bloom only over time. . . .

I will share here only a few points and will trust that you will study more for yourselves to see how much the Lord can work for you and in you.

1. Love is a plant that needs to be cultivated. It takes sowing, tending, watering, nurturing. We need to ask the Lord to give us of His Spirit in our own heart and show us how to share it outwardly, beginning with our spouse.

2. Win by example: The first epistle of Peter shares a lot of counsel on this point to both husbands and wives. Let us read slowly, carefully, and prayerfully the following:

“Ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls. Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile” (1 Peter 2:25–3:10).

What if one partner will not submit to this counsel? Paul addresses that, too: “If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:12–16).

Again, we are back to submission to Christ, enabling Him to live in and through us to the winning of souls. May God help us to be willing vessels that will show His seventh promise to the world around us:

“Thou shalt not commit adultery”!